iron man

We finally replace our crappy, leaking, hot and cold iron yesterday. Sick of leaving puddles on my work shirts, and tired of kneeling on the floor to iron them, we bought a new super iron and full sized ironing board. The tabletop board will be destroyed beyond repair shortly, but it was the iron's turn today.



Verdict: Fuck you iron

aac day

The Allowable Annual Cut is the volume of timber that may be harvested from a particular part of forest in any one year. It's a shame that the acronym was already taken, otherwise the organisers of the dawn service in Melbourne would have used it for their own purpose. They managed to remove New Zealand from everything but the word ANZAC, concentrating entirely on Australian soldiers.
I totally understand that I am a Kiwi living in Australia, so naturally there are bound to be some differences to how I see the world compared with Joe Ocker. I'm comfortable being mocked because of where I'm from, it's part of the territory, but to have my country's sacrifice completely ignored is really disappointing. Every other day of the year, fine, but on a day that is supposed to honour the bravery and loss of the Australian and New Zealand Army Corp, to not even hear the words New Zealand spoken aloud is almost offensive.

Lest we forget huh?

cabinet part ii

I couldn't help myself. I had to rig up a basic cardboard control panel to make sure everything worked properly. It did.



Verdict: peow peow

cabinet part i

Last week, I came across some great plans for a home arcade machine. This happened around the same time that I downloaded MAME and a bunch of old arcade games (Pacman, Streetfighter, Double Dragon etc). I figured that I need to have a project at home that doesn't involve beer, but does make me use my hands. Enter my Mame cabinet. It's essentially a computer set up to look like an arcade machine, except instead of just playing one game, it will be able to play ALL OF THEM.
This is close to what it's going to look like eventually:

I'm going to make it a kiwi theme, and put the silver fern down the side along with some other stuff that I haven't thought of yet. Actually, hang on, I'll stick the fern on there now.

I knew that if I looked into this project too much, I'd be put off by either the cost or the time invoved, or the fact that I don't have a workshop, so I went out to a warehouse in the middle of nowhere on Saturday and put things in motion. A few hundred dollars later, I'm in possession of two joysticks, a few dozen buttons and a circuit board which is basically an interface for everything.
My toolbox currently consists of a set of screwdrivers and a pair of pliers that Dad gave me the last time they were here, a Leatherman™, an old hacksaw and a hammer. Not really a big enough range of gear to make something 6 feet tall out of wood. Unless it was popsicle sticks...
Anyway, I went to a hardware shop today to start buying a few extras. Not being a fan of cheap and nasty, I came away with a trade quality drill and jigsaw. I'm sure the old man will be happy knowing that I bought Makita and not some knock off.
The next part is to sit down and actually design everything. The last time I worked with wood, I think I made a hand mirror at school when I was 11, so i's going to be a pretty steep learning curve. Luckily we live in the age of Google, so whatever I don't t know today, I will know by this time tomorrow, in seven languages, one of them probably Klingon (groan).

I figured this blog (geez, I hate that word!) would be the best way for me to keep track of how long I'm taking, and what I was thinking at certain points along the way. Looking back, I'll be able to pinpoint the exact day that I lost the tip of my finger in a routing accident, and how happy Deb was that I managed to get black paint all over her azaleas.

It's going to be an interesting journey.

my friend meloney

I thought it would be funny to see if we could grow a watermelon in a pot (from seed). We've done radishes and capsicums, but this is a bit different. The seed was planted a few months ago and now we have a vine that stretches at least 3 metres end to end (that's close to 10 feet in ye olde measurements).
Flowers have come and gone without bearing fruit, so I thought it was sterile, but this morning we noticed otherwise:

It's only as wide as a fingernail at the moment, but at least we now have a real, homegrown watermelon. The weather's turned crap, so it probably won't get much bigger, but I'm happy.

Verdict: nice melons

slaps

I recently created a database for my department that monitors peoples' productivity as well as having the ability to track turnaround times for various pieces of work. I managed to roll it out as the "Service Level Agreement & Productivity System" without noticing that the acronym was SLAPS. It’s too late to change now, so that’s how it’s going to stay.

Sweet

(P.S. I should also add that it wasn't my idea for the database. Where I work, people are rewarded for high productivity, and there had to be a fair way of measuring it)

it's a sign

I saw a sign on a shop door yesterday: “Back in 20 minutes”.

Seriously, what fucking use is that? What time did you leave? When should we send out the search party.

Idiot

the games

It seems odd that we booked our Commonwealth Games tickets almost a year ago, and now it's here! Well, it's half past here at the moment and I'm only just posting about the opening ceremony now. Perhaps I'll bullet point things, it'll be easier to write.

• The seats were great! We sat facing the ramp that all the atheletes came down
• There was a flying tram with wings... and other flying stuff...
  
• Something about a child's imagination, and a duck
• There were koalas there as well
• The Queen gave a speech
• atheletes
• fireworks
• ...
  

Anyway, I remember being impressed by it, but my memories fade pretty quicky. That's why I keep digital memories like these:


We also went to the womens gymnastics on Saturday, which would have been cool, but no one seemed able to stay on their feet! I caught a few of the offenders in action:


Next stop will be some athletics finals on Saturday back at the MCG. It's supposed to be a hot day, so fingers crossed for a nice evening.

god save the swagman

It was discovered last week (or thereabouts) that organisers of the Commonwealth Games wouldn't be playing God Save the Queen at the opening ceremony. What the hell? It's the COMMONWEALTH games and the QUEEN is going to be there who, like it or not, is Australia's head of state.

If I went out and mugged someone because I didn't see the relevance of police in a modern society, I'd be locked up. Even though I don't believe in the rules, I still need to live by them. Laws are put in place by politicians who are elected into that role by the people. The majority of people, which brings me to my next point:

In 1999, Australians had the choice to abandon the Queen in favour of a President, but this was rejected. Does this not mean that the majority of Australians like the idea of the monarchy? I agree that the concept is pretty outdated and can't see it surviving the next referendum, but at the moment that's the regime. Surely with the huge international profile that the games will have, Australia should be wary of how this will be viewed by the rest of the world, so far they're coming off as ill-mannered and disrespectful.

rain

There was a bit of rain here on Saturday.

"a bit of" = a hell of a lot of
"rain" = most of the world's water supply falling from the sky

It managed to force it's way in through the wall behind the oven, the top of the window frame in the bathroom and the ceiling in the lounge. No damage to our stuff though, so all is good.
I took this video outside from under an umbrella. If you listen at around 0.28 secs, there's a cool clap of thunder.


That is all

pump some iron

2 years, 3 months and 7 days... that's how much time had passed since I'd done any exercise that didn't involve carrying my washing machine up and down stairs. I realised this when me and Deb were putting together a photo album that included some taken of me in the midst of my clubbing career in London. I think if I tried doing an 8 hour doof session now, I'd either die of a heart attack, or my man boobs would jerk so hard they'd tear off from my neck down.
Which is why I've joined the gym. No more bitch tits, no more mono-ab, pack your bags fellas, you're off.
I've only been to 3 sessions so far, but I feel really good about it. The first few weeks are supposed to be the hardest, but this time around, I can't wait to get back. A few sore muscles here and there, but they disappear as soon as I walk through the door.
One thing I'd change though is the communal shower. The last time I showered with other guys was probably at intermediate, so it'll be a few more weeks before I forget that my junk is on show. Most people are obviously more than used to it, which is fine, but some of them stay in the shower for close to 20 minutes. If they aren't clean by that time, they aren't going to get clean. They're either there to perv at everyone, or to wave their third leg around. Surely there are places you can go to that specialise in that kind of thing?

stuff on the walls

After talking about it for ages, putting it off and changing our minds, we finally have a bit of colour on the walls here. It's nice to have something to break up the big blank spaces, especially knowing that they're both "original works".

The canvas print we ordered arrived last week. The lower right corner is a bit dark, but that's my fault for not setting up my monitor properly.



We have a bunch of photos that would look good on display, but didn't like any of the pre made photo frames that you can get, so we had one custom made. The photo doesn't do it justice, but the frame is matte black, with a canvas textured black photo mat with a white inner border. There's also a black mat without the border tucked away, so we can customise how it looks depending on what photo is in there. Wow, I didn't realise how boring that sounded until I read it again. I really need to get out more!
That said, something else I want to get done in the future is a set of four frames to hold some photos from my failed Monopoly™ project.

The original plan was to take photos of everything on the original Monopoly board and make my own board with photos. I managed to get about 9 pieces done before it was time to leave the country. Oh well.
Tune in next week for more exciting adventures.

storm in a teacup

stuff

When you don't have anything to say, it's nice to let the internet do the talking:

I love the idea of my wife
Beer Bot
Unintentionally sexual comic book covers
Blair & Bush at the Gay Bar

new year

A quick recap:
Went home for Christmas to visit the folks. A bit of rain, a bit of sun, your standard Dunedin summer holiday :)

New Years in Melbourne was hot. 43° hot. We sat around for the day, trying to keep cool and then went out for dinner. I think the heat must have been a bit much for us, because after two drinks, we were both feeling seedy enough to just go home. We got off the train at Camberwell just in time or see the fireworks in the city. They were pretty far away by that point, but at least we were a part of it :)

I've got a short term role as a team manager at work which is pretty cool. It's only for a month before I move into my new role as a continuous improvement...guy. It's basically going to involve designing and implementing a workflow and reporting database. It's going to be challenging because I've only done it on a small scale before, not one that will be used by 70-80 people! I'm gong to have to hone the old Access skills a bit, but at least the money will be a bit better.

..what else? It's time to spruce up the flat a bit. I'm getting a canvas print done of the london eye. The photo has been chunkified so it's more an arty kind of thing:


It looks pretty cool printed on photo paper, but it may look different on a 12" by 18" canvas. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

the cold little toe of new zealand

Me & Debs are off to Dunedin on Friday to see our families for Christmas. I'm looking forward to getting away from work for a week, where I can relax without having to fix spreadsheets or databases. The only technology I'll be using will be my ipod, and the only spreadsheet will be the one pulled up to my chin before I go to sleep.

sydney

I must be doing something right at work, because I got to go to Sydney on company money. Sure, I had to attend a day long CEO forum that was drier than a truckful of flour, but they put me up at the Hilton, so all is forgiven. The 43rd floor is pretty cool, unless you get the elevator all to yourself, with no stops on the way up. With the hangover that I had after my first night there, it was hard work dealing with the pressure change.

(based on my two days there) Sydney seems to have a lot going for it. It doesn't feel like it's trying a hard as Melbourne to be cool. A lot of Melbournians will talk your ear off telling you everything that's so great about their home, to the point that it all just becomes white noise. Sydney(ers, ites?) don't have the same affliction. They aren't as friendly, but at least they know how to keep the noise down a little. Maybe I'm getting old, but why does every second person I meet have their volume knob stuck on obnoxious prick? My guess is the large Greek/Italian influence, where members of a 12 strong catholic family had to yell to be heard when they were kids. I swear, it's like I'm at a club where everyone but me can hear the music and feels they have to shout their conversation.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Sydney is cool, but the weather was average. Here's a few pics of the bridge and opera house on an overcast day:

wine = good

We hired a car a few weekends ago to sort out some errands that are hard to do on foot. Apart from being able to hoon from place to place without waiting 20 minutes for a bloody train, we were able to pick up loads of heavy groceries, ceramic pots (for plants) and a barbeque:
We've since used it most nights to cook up some awesome steaks, chicken kebabs and a
couple of token vegetables. The neighbourhood cat can smell raw steak from 500m, so we've only managed to eat outside once without being bothered. Every other meal is spent being glared at through the screen door. I swear this cat was human in a past life because it really knows how to make you feel uncomfortable.

Anyway, we still had the car on the Sunday, so went down the Mornington Peninsula. As well as tracking down a cheese shop in the middle of the bush and going to a boutique chocolate shop in the middle of nowhere, we visited a couple of vineyards.

We managed to blow our budget and spend a couple of hundred dollars, but it was well worth it. We got 7 great bottles of wine, including the best shiraz I've had to date. There's only one of the shiraz left now and I'm trying really hard to keep it for a special occasion. Everyday things seem to have become more special lately. I can't say if it's related.

november already?

So this has turned out to be a bit of a joke. Whenever something interesting happens in my life, I'm too busy actually doing it instead of writing about it. Once things have died down again, my memories are so vague that I can't recall enough detail to write anything.
Today, I might just leave a few key points so I can look back in a year's time and remember what I was doing at the time:

Next week, I'm going to Sydney for work. I get to meet a bunch of people who I've only ever spoken to over the last 18 months and spend the night at the Hilton. The next day is a CEO forum where the bigwigs give presentations and ask us (the plebs) where we think the company is headed. It's really just a reward for a select few achievers so they feel better about the average salary. They'll see through me eventually, but until that day, I'm more than happy to take their fancy hotels :)

My parents tried to get me to play an instrument when I was younger, knowing full well how happy it would make me. Piano lessons, trumpet lessons (and one evening of violin) just didn't agree with me at the time. Now that I'm older and full of regret, I'm going to try again. This time with the saxomophone. It's always been one of those instruments that's been pretty cool in my eyes, and I've found a place that rents new ones pretty cheap. After a year, if you want to buy it, they will put all the rental money towards the cost. You can't beat that deal!
Anna, if you've got any tips can you let me know? I realise that I'll probably have to ditch the tongue stud, but we've all got to make sacrifices.

I'm getting a new tattoo in six months or so. I haven't got the design totally figured out, but if anyone knows the tattoo that Seth from Dusk till Dawn has, it's pretty close. I want it to start at the top of my tricep, climb up over my shoulder and stick slightly out of my collar. Mum has already freaked out at the idea, so I know I must be on the right track. The problem is, I have almost no muscle mass and therefore bugger all shoulder to tattoo. I guess it would be cheaper having to use less ink, but I'm joining my work gym next month to bulk up instead. Should be fun.

A man goes to the zoo. When he arrives, there is just a dog sat in a cage.

It was a Shitzu.

(Thanks Anna!)

all the small things

Wow, I haven't checked in here since August. Sorry to anyone who actually reads this thing! (and by that I mean "Hi Mum!")

I spend my days at work ranting to people. My old Channel 4 crew can vouch for that, and I thank them for their saintly tolerance. The problem is, when I get home, I'm all ranted out. I suppose I could write about my day, but that is boring to write as it would be to read (again, my mum is probably an exception)

As my creative side is having the evening off, I'd like to take the time to acknowledge everything that makes life great. I'm not on anything that I know of, but some things just need to be noted:

Pickled Onion Flavoured Monster Munch
The English are a funny bunch. They eat jellied eels, read News of the World and have a different accent for every postcode. They also invented Pickled Onion Monster Munch. Please note the capitalisation, it was earned. I'm lucky to have found a shop in Melbourne that imports UK foods, so I can see many of my hard earned Australian dollars being spent on this most savoury of snacks.

Hellman's Mayonnaise
Have you ever had chips with tomato sauce and thought there was something missing?
There is.

Red Wine
I'm by no means a connoisseur, but give me a bottle of Pinot or Cab Sav and I'm sorted. Deb and I went to a Riedel master class a few days ago to get a set of wine glasses and to see if wine really did taste better out of custom shaped glasses. I always thought it was a con when people said that each variety of wine needs a different shaped glass, but I'm happy to say I was totally wrong and will never drink out of the wrong glass again.

Home Grown Anything
I planted some radish seeds in a planter a few weeks ago, not really thinking anything would happen. It's now three weeks later and I feel like an expecting father! We'll get enough for a couple of salads, so long as the possums don't figure out that they're food.

Meat
I realise the world's people are slowly turning vegetarian. More power to them ...as long as no one tries indoctrinating me. I can put up with the tree hugging and the hemp jeans, but if you hippies try making me drink my wine with some kind of tofu meat replacement, you'll want to be wearing your best running sandals.

There's more than those few things that make me tick, can you guess any others?
Answers, please, on the back of a postcard...